Ralph Haselmann Jr. Interviewed By Darrell Laurent On The Writer's Bridge Questionnaire:

1. Tell me a little about your writing background. What freelance credits do you have (include Websites and newspapers)? Are you a full-time freelancer, or do you snatch time when you can for writing? Do you have your own Website? What's the address?

I started writing poetry my senior year in college in 1989 to deal with the death of my best friend, Mark Waser, who died in a car crash in high school in 1981. His death led to reexamine my life and to become an artist and poet. I write poetry only for me, not for editors. I write ego poems, which a lot of editors don’t like. Well, tough crap. Most editors who have rejected me have given me bullshit advice. One editor told me to write more like William Carlos William, his favorite poet, which was ridiculous. I’m me, and I can only ever write like me. He quoted him, “No ideas, but in things.” It would bore the piss out of me to write about red wheelbarrows, baseballs and plums. Anybody who writes exclusively about things instead of people, ideas and emotions is probably psychotic. These editors take themselves way to seriously and edit out all the juice and wit from good poems. I know I write well, and I have had 300 of the 600 poems I’ve written published in nearly 50 magazines. I have been in the small press for ten years now, since 1993, and the only time I’ve gotten paid was when Cedar Hill Review named me Editor of the Year and Hardest Working Editor in the Small Press in 1997 for my work on my revered Lucid Moon poetry magazine. I received a check for $50 and a lifetime subscription to Cedar Hill Review Magazine, but they typically forgot to send me subsequent issues after sending me three. Poetry doesn’t pay squat, but it’s the last bastion of freedom in this country.

I do not have any freelance credits, but I hope to gain some credits by joining The Writer’s Bridge. I write whenever I can, between editing my critically lauded Lucid Moon Review Poetry Website, www.lucidmoonpoetry.com , and typing up my new poetry manuscripts.

2. How do you see yourself fitting into a group like The Writers’ Bridge? What would you expect from it? How would you contribute to it?

I hope to get paid for my writings that would be nice. I have decided to share my future earnings with parents, since they bought a new computer and are helping to pay my web designer for work done on my website. I can’t contribute as an editor because I have no time. Besides, I’d make a lousy editor, as miss a lot of typos when I send work to my web designer and I have to pay for corrections after the work is up!.

3. What is your bottom line for payment? (This can be approximate, of course). Our general procedure is to start as high as we can with an idea or piece and work down if we receive rejections.

I have no idea what the bottom line would be for payment, since I have no experience selling my writings. Charles Bukowski got paid $500 for a short story in the movie Barfly, and the movie took place in the 1960’s, so I don’t know what the going rate would be nowadays. I read that Woody Allen got paid $50 per joke when he first got started writing comedy material in the 1950’s. He sold jokes to the likes of Mel Brooks and Jackie Mason. I wonder what jokes would sell for nwadays. Probably less. Tom Hanks sold jokes to Sally field for $30 apiece in the movie Punchline, which came out in1988, so I guess jokes have depreciated in value. I also was able to draw 300 cartoons over a ten year period before m near fatal car accident, which has left me paralyzed below the waist and paralyzed in the right writing hand. So I guess my career as a cartoonist is shot to Hell! I can always write new captions for all of the cartoons and then I’ll have a sequel for the first carton book. I was wondering if The Writer’s Bridge can place my cartoons and comedy material so I can get paid for that too.

4. Would you be willing to submit a piece on speculation? A lot of markets are asking that now, to avoid having to pay a kill fee if they don’t like a submission. Down the road, we may achieve the credibility to overcome this, but we’ll undoubtedly have to deal with "spec" assignments for awhile.

Yes, I’d be willing to submit a piece on speculation.

5. Would you be interested in being part of the editing pool? What’s your experience at that?.

No, I would not be interested in being part of an editing pool, for reasons stated above. I just don’t have the discipline.

6. What subjects do you see yourself specializing in? Are you more likely to contribute articles, opinion pieces or personal essays?

I am able to write a variety of writings, including articles, book reviews, essays, humour, interviews, poems and short stories, but I have yet to tackle a screenplay.

7. Is there anything unusual about you that might lend itself to an article idea? For instance, are you a triplet, a Vietnam veteran, a survivor of some rare disease? Have you lived in or spent time in some exotic place? Do you have an unusual pet? That sort of thing. Purely an optional question.

I am paralyzed from a recent car accident, so I plan on writing about that, and the sorry state of nursing homes, assisted living care facilities, Medicare, Medicaid, and the lousy Healthcare System in America.

I am writing about being bipolar manic depressive, and what it means to be a bisexual artist living near the historic artist village of New Hop, PA.. There is a large gay population there, and a couple gay bars in town. I had never been to a gay bar, but had always meant to. I was planning on moving to New Hope, going to the gay bars, and perhaps meeting my first boyfriend, so I’m wistful at the way my life has been needlessly tuned upside down by this accident. However. I am not wallowing in anger or self-pity, rather I am rededicating my life to promoting and publishing the works of others and myself. Remarkably, I can type with an adaptive keyboard and use a mouse pad to work on my website. I am typing up the poems in y next poetry book, to be called Starting From Clinton, Starting From New Hope. Clinton is another, smaller historic artist village in Hunterdon County, New Jersey which I lived near for the last 25 years. The title of my book is a reference to Wall Whitman’s Starting from Pomona and Lawrence Ferlinghetti’s Starting from San Francisco. I want to popularize the local towns of Clinton NJ and New Hope PA the way Bruce Springsteen has popularized his local haunts Freehold NJ and Asbury Park NJ.

The only exotic places I’ve been to are Puerto Rico, The Virgin Islands, and Montreal, Canada.

My family had two quarter horses for ten years, from 1975 to1985. It was my job to feed them hay and fresh water 3 times a day and to clean out the stalls with my dad every two weeks. Bonzo was the male and was a klutz, and Beauty was the female and was graceful and fast. Of course my dad hogged Beauty and I got stuck riding Bozo! The coolest thing was that Bonzo was named after the same British children’s television show clown as John “Bonzo” Bonham, drummer for my favorite band, Led Zeppelin. The funniest moment when I was taking care of my two pet horses was when I fed them an afternoon snack of hay, and Bonzo went down on all fours, rolled around in the hay, stuck his four legs up in the air, and passed gas!  Beauty looked at him, and then looked at me as if to say, 'what the hell was that'? I   Having pet horses was a lot of fun and a lot of work!

8. Could you give me a brief bio sketch to go on the Website? Since we may have 200-plus of these, try to keep it as brief as you can. And remember, these are what the editors are going to see when they visit our site. Also, if we can get it to work on the site, would you be willing to submit a small head-shot (electronically, if possible)?

Brief bio below, long bio and head shot attached.

Ralph Haselmann, Jr. edits the critically lauded Lucid Moon Review Poetry Website, (www.lucidmoonpoetry.com ) which has been called the best poetry website on the internet, a valuable resource for poets, and is highly rated by Google. His first two poetry books, Wounded Heart, Naked Soul and Scattershot Haze, are available at Xlibris at 1-888-7xlibris, www.Xlibris.com, www.Amazon.com, www.BarnesandNoble.com, and www.Borders.com. In October 2001, Ralph was in a horrible, serious, near-fatal car accident, which left him paralyzed below the waist and in his right writing hand. Ralph is not wallowing in anger or self-pity, rather he is rededicating his life to promoting and publishing the works of others and himself. Remarkably, he can type with an adaptive keyboard and use a mouse pad to work on his website. Ralph is a member of The Writer’s Bridge, a group which will help place his writings in magazine markets that will pay him. Ralph is a proud member Peta, not People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals, but the other one, People Eating Tasty Animals! Ralph has given poetry readings at The Shaker Café in Flemington NJ and The Back Fence in NYC. If you would like to reprint his writings or correspond with him, he can be reached at: ralphylucidmoon@yahoo.com, www.lucidmoonpoetry.com.

Lucid Moon Review Poetry Website and Newsletter
Ralph Haselmann Jr., Editor, 67 Norma Road Hampton, New Jersey 08827 (908) 735-4447, ralphylucidmoon@yahoo.com, www.lucidmoonpoetry.com

© Copyright 2004 Ralph Haselmann Jr. and Lucid Moon Review Poetry Website www.lucidmoonpoetry.com

Brian Morrisey: I think the idea to have a festival collaborating with a mass amount of poets and artists is one of the healthiest events for the state of poetry. We need to congregate, collaborate and associate to support each other if poetry is ever going to make a lasting impression. I wish I could have made it out there, but I sent a CD with a letter of what I would have said if I was there.

Ralph Haselmann, Jr: What is your philosophy of Art and Poetry?

Brian Morrisey: That is a loaded question! I will try to offer my personal view. My philosophy with poetry is that is has to paint a vivid picture for your audience. It should make a lasting impression that lives on in the mind long after the poem is finished. It should touch upon your feelings and provoke thought, if not inspiration. I can usually tell right away if the poem is going to move me or not. I try to write from the heart and let the poem come to me. Otherwise, it feels forced and less sincere. I try to put as much detail and passion into my subjects to create a clear image. That is what it is about, capturing the moment, even if it is only a second or two, but savor it and show the world how beautiful it can be. Art is really created through the same process as poetry, just different mediums. It is all about evoking a passionate feeling and presenting it to your audience in a way they can incorporate it into their own lives.

Ralph Haselmann, Jr: What is your opinion of art, censorship, and freedom of speech in America? Two recent controversies that come to mind are NYC mayor Rudolph Guiliani condemning an Ethiopian painting that incorporated elephant feces into a painting of the Virgin Mary; and the controversy over Amiri Baraka’s supposedly anti-Semitic poem Somebody Blew Up America. Americans have no clue as to the Ethiopian tradition of incorporating natural materials into their art work. I wrote a review of Amiri Baraka’s poem which will appear in the Summer 2003 newsletter area and in the archives area which will be posted soon on my website. If you care to comment on either of these controversies please do so.

Brian Morrisey: Those are three founding elements of this country. There will always be censorship in one form or another, as evil as it may be. It is an atrocity that will never fade out of society. As long as we are a democratic nation, those we put into office tend to feel it is their duty to influence any freedom of _expression and mold the arts into their vision as to what is best for the masses. That is why the small press is beautiful. We have control over the media and can express ourselves without any interference. Not many people even know about us. People just think DiPrima, Ginsberg, etc. just popped out of nowhere and when they start digging, that is when they discover the real artistic visions of the authors they love… in the Lucid Moons and Poesys of the world. Last time I knew checked, Gulliani is not qualified to be an art critic and it is just a publicity stunt to prove that he has a sense of morals. Who cares what Gulliani thinks about the painting? Basically, that whole ordeal was a smokescreen from the reality of what is happening in his personal life to paint a picture of a man who is just trying to do the right thing. Even politicians have to be creative sometimes. The whole McGreevy incident with Baraka is funny. I wrote an editorial about it that got some good feedback. Baraka knew what he was doing with Somebody Blew Up America pointing fingers at our own government officials. He knew he was going to get a reaction or impeachment from the Poet-Laureate position. Nobody reads a poem like that to a crowd that large without expecting to get any flack about it. Although I do not think the poem is good, I think it was great that he tested the limits of _expression and really dug into his art. I wish more Poet-Laureates would take more risks.

Ralph Haselmann Jr.: What is your opinion of the sorry state of the small press? There is a lot of petty jealousies and back stabbing. It’s very childish. There is a rogue element of cyber stalkers who think it is their job to harass and get rid of people they don‚t agree with. In 2000 and 2001 I was viciously attacked by two negative creeps in their own publications and in the small press email discussion forums. Then seven more attacked me. I did nothing to deserve these assaults on my character. I thought I was on friendly terms with all of them. This is probably the biggest thing that has happened to them in their lives, and that’s sad and pathetic. Only two of the nine have done anything of significant worth or artistic merit and none of them are great poets. I can only conclude that they are all just ”jealous bitches”, as Arnold Schwarzennegger called much of Hollywood. I will not name them because I do not want to give them the sick thrill of seeing their name in print. They are and shall remain footnotes in the small press. I have only commented on this situation twice, in my humorous article, How Publishing My Lucid Moon Poetry Magazine Led To My Nervous Breakdown, and Titus Andronicus 2:The Revenge. Titus Andronicus was Shakespeare’s worst play, where everybody kills everybody, and bakes them into pies and feeds them to their enemies. My short story was a Roman A Clef. I will not stoop to name calling as they did. I haven’t seen this level of behavior since second grade. The only way to deal with this situation is with humor. Mel Brooks said ”Comedy is tragedy plus time”. This small press situation also prompted my friends Dave and Ana Christy of Alpha Beat Press to add a line to their monthly poetry broadside ”This broadside is dedicated to the Small Press and the way things used to be.” The only people who came to my defense were Charles Potts, H. Lamar Thomas and Doug Holder.

Brian Morrisey: I have to disagree with you. The small press is not in a sorry state. The minute you start believing that is the horrid truth of our revolutionary community, you should start thinking about laying low for a while.You have to keep your eyes open and support the work you believe in. There is a lot of good writing and publishing going on right now. I am not going to single out any authors out making waves in the small press, but this will be noted and recognized when the time is right for the world to accept our art. No, the small press is not as exciting as it was during the Beat era and no the unity is not like it used to be in the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, but we are just more spread out. Before you had, New York, L.A. and San Francisco and that is where you went to make it as a poet. Now, with the use of email and the internet, you can be anywhere, anytime and still communicate and collaborate with others on your art. The meccas are smaller, but the support and inspiration is very much apparent. We are beginning and building upon a new movement that is important as well. There will always be jealousies and backstabbers no matter which art you choose to enthrall yourself into. I learned, like you, the hard way, that when you respond to these “jealous bitches,” it comes back at you at least twice as hard. Once you put yourself out there, there will always be “jealous bitches” trying to bring you down. You just have to rise above it all and not give them the satisfaction of choosing to immerse yourself into that muck. We all get it! There is still a website up about me with some funny conversations I had with a psycho (I’ll send you the link off the record). He even went to the extreme of writing an editorial about our interaction as a basis for an issue of his publication. I should have known after the first time he flipped out on me and began name-calling. That is something I have little tolerance for as well. All of this happened because I decided not to interview him. After a few conversations, I began to foresee complications down the line that I was bored with, I’ve heard it all before… I am sure I will hear it again.

Ralph Haselmann Jr.: What is your opinion of Printing On Demand book publishing? Now you can afford to publish your own book. When I first researched publishing my own books, Vantage Press in NYC wanted $10,000 to print a measly 200 books and another NY firm wanted $20,000 for 500 books, ridiculous! I have links to all these. Printing On Demand Publishing Companies in my Other Cool Links Websites area, 1st Books, Xlibris and iUniverse are the major printing companies. The only problem with 1st Books and Xlibris is that they claim they can publish your book for $600, when in fact it’s closer to $1200 when you add in the back cover design option and the hard cover option. Also, if you want promotional packages it is another $500 plus $3 to scan a page and $2.25 to type each page (data entry). So, your book will cost anywhere from $1200 to $2000. Plus it can’t reproduce color inside, only on the front cover and back cover. Also, after manhandling the books the plastic film on the cover peels away from the cover. So you have some decisions about whether it’s worth it to use printing on demand technology.

Brian Morrisey: I have mixed feelings on Printing on Demand book publishing, If you have the money, it saves you a lot of time and effort, but the reality is that if you are a writer, you probably don’t. I think the whole book publishing process is exciting and a great learning experience if you do it yourself. I think every writer should publish their own book at least once. If you are a writer, you don’t need someone to write a press release for you, you can figure that out on your own. Save the dough to take a trip somewhere that inspires you enough to write about it or something. There are presses that offer small runs for a lot less money. Just do a little research and you will find small presses that can do runs of a thousand for very little money and still provide you with all the bonuses you mentioned above. Companies like Xlibris prey on authors willing to sell their soul to see themselves published because they don’t know the publishing industry. It’s wrong.

Ralph Haselmann, Jr:

Brian Morrisey: I publish a quarterly American poetry journal called POESY. It is 16 pages on newsprint, black and white, printed with soy-based ink. I usually include poetry, 2 interviews, book reviews, and an editorial. Subscriptions are only $12.00 (which gets you benefits like the newsletter and 3 copies of each issue) Sample issues are $1.00.

Thanks for participating in this interview. Warmest Wishes,  Ralphy

Thank you for interviewing me. Warm wishes for the new year. Good luck! I will see you out there!

Brian