How Woody Allen Got Me Through A College Exam

     I used to be so serious studying for exams in college. Most of the time I'd wait till the last minute and cram all night and get a C+. This time I decided to be like Woody Allen and make fun of the questions, not take it so seriously, just to see what would happen. The Sociology class was called Love, Personhood & Sexual Morality, taught by a Dr. Shehadi. I saved my first draft little blue exam book, so here is the exact transcript of the exam verbatim:

Question 1:
"You show moral respect to sexual partners by giving them what they want." Elaborate.

Answer:
     This quote does not capture entirely the principle of respect for persons applied to sexual relations that was developed in this course. As it stands, the quote would mean that you show moral respect to partners by giving them what they want, regardless of whether or not you want to give of yourself. This would bring into question the notion of whether or not you partner is showing you moral respect.

     A more apt quote would be "you show moral respect to sexual partners by reciprocating each other's desires based on an understanding of what is expected or desired from each other." Baumrin would illustrate this concept by stating that "if A agrees to X with B and B agrees to Y with A, and A performs X with B and then B backs out of performing Y with A, then B has not showed moral respect for A based on A and B's earlier agreements." (This is commonly known as "you do me and I'll do you!).

     Baumrin's analysis would point out that moral respect for the partner is based on reciprocating (give and take) and fairness, and the moral obligation to fulfill an agreement based on the understanding of the partner's needs and desires.

Question 2:
Construct a debate between Wasserstrom and Taylor on the morality of adultery.

Answer:
W: Adultery is immoral, because it shows lack of respect for the married partner.
T: Yes, but man is not monogamous by nature and therefore cannot be expected to remain faithful. Whether it is moral or not, man is prone to impulses and might act on them, even if it shows lack of respect.
W: This does not lessen the immorality of his actions...
T: No, but one is not obligated to disclose if one is having an affair. The immorality would only come into play if the affair is brought out into the open.
W: There are several layers of deceit in this! If one does not disclose that he is having an affair because he is not asked, this is as immoral as if he never discloses it himself or if he lies when confronted by his partner as to whether or not he was cheating.
T: But it is just as immoral for the suspicious partner to confront the one who is having the affair, or to accuse him, or even to spy on him. The adulterer must be willing to volunteer this information, and in that sense, the partner must have respect for the other's judgement and actions, whether or not the partner believes it is immoral.
W: Your ideas are too liberal for my liking...
T: Well, your wife agreed with me last night!
W: What? Why you little...
(a fight ensues, and much rumbling is heard...)

Question 3:
What would Goldman and Kant have to say to each other on the question of the relation between the perverse and the immoral?

Answer:       Not much, since Kant is dead! Ha ha ha! (joke. Ahem)

     Theoretically speaking, though, Kant would take a much stricter religious view of immorality as it relates to perversion, and Goldman would gripe about how grossed out he is by perverse acts. Goldman would more or less debate the degree to which a perverse act is immoral, and then they would break for lunch.

     My own assessment is that perversion and immorality are subjective and one's perception of whether acts are immoral and/or perverse is based on the amount of one's religious upbringing , and whether one cares what others think (that is, whether one agrees with what others perceive as immoral or morally correct).

I got a C+ on my paper and didn't even study! Thanks Woody, I'll try to laugh and take it easy on more exams and assignments!

Ralph Haselmann, Jr. edits the critically lauded Lucid Moon Review Poetry Website.( www.lucidmoonpoetry.com ) which has been called the best poetry website on the internet, a valuable resource for poets, and is highly rated by Google. His first two poetry books, Wounded Heart, Naked Soul and Scattershot Haze, are available at Xlibris at 1-888-7xlibris, www.Xlibris.com , www.Amazon.com , www.BarnesandNoble.com , and www.Borders.com . In October 2001, Ralph was in a horrible, serious, near-fatal car accident, which left him paralyzed below the waist and in his right writing hand. Ralph is not wallowing in anger or self-pity, rather he is rededicating his life to promoting and publishing the works of others and himself. Remarkably, he can type with an adaptive keyboard and use a mouse pad to work on his website. Ralph is a member of The Writer’s Bridge, a group which will help place his writings in magazine markets that will pay him. Ralph is also a proud member Peta, not People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals, but the other one, People Eating Tasty Animals! Ralph has given poetry readings at The Shaker Café in Flemington NJ and The Back Fence in NYC. If you would like to reprint his writings or correspond with him, he can be reached at: ralphylucidmoon@yahoo.com, www.lucidmoonpoetry.com.

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